If you haven't sat through a boring lecture at one point in your life, I'm not sure if your human. I remember sitting through a lecture in 11th grade physics. I don't remember what it was on, but I remember thinking "I get it. He's just saying the same thing over and over. Can I just do some practice problems?" I started to doodle on my page, zoning out.
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In 2009, in the final weeks of my junior year of college, my dad drove me to from Wooster, Ohio to Chicago on a Thursday afternoon for my final TFA interview. I was in the second batch of juniors who applied early for Teach for America. I taught a lesson on eclipses, talked about my experience as a leader at my college and was overwhelmed with the caliber of people I was interviewing with. They went to Northwestern and interned at the Department of Education and had a laundry list of societies and activities. I was immediately convinced I didn't make the cut.
A few weeks later, sitting in my living room with my parents I got the email. I got into Teach for America as a junior, with only a handful of juniors across the country. I was placed in most high need region in the country- Detroit. When I applied for the corps you selected the regions you wanted and I mainly focused on high need regions in the Midwest. I was in shock I made it. Hell yes, I wanted to do this. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to change lives. I shared it with the world. My mom's friend had a response that still sticks with me- "She got into TFA? That's harder to get into to than Ivy League schools". Senior year of college passed in a blur. Near the end of the blur, the reality of next year set in. I was moving to a brand new place, a city I knew nothing about and had no one nearby. I went to Detroit twice to first take the MTTC, the state test for teachers and to interview at TFA schools. I passed my tests and got hired at a charter high school. A month after college graduation I arrived in Detroit, in my brand new, light blue Nissan, bright eyed and bushy tailed, with a car packed with The Limited pencil skirts and H&M cardigans. I met my Detroit Teach for America Corps members, all 200 of us that weekend in June. Once again, the sweeping feeling of not being good enough consumed me. Some people bragged about their lives at their Ivy League colleges and spewed off opinions of education reform and internships at prestigious charter schools. I was completely overwhelmed. I didn't even know what education reform meant. Why were these people talking about themselves so much? What was going on? I went to small liberal arts college. Everyone knew each other, everyone studied together, went to class together, ate in the only dining hall together, partied together... there was no bragging or gloating. We constantly lifted each other up, helped each other on exams, labs, papers, and life problems. It was normal fo rme. I was all of a sudden in a different world. Most people in the corps went to competitive colleges. I was around people with more impressive resumes than my college friends. I immediately felt like I didn't fit in. I was out of my element. Induction in Detroit was a blur of three-ish days. Buses to random places in Detroit, people talking about neighborhoods in Detroit, talk about poverty in Detroit. Detroit, Detroit, Detroit. Suddenly, I was off to Chicago for the dreaded and insane Teach for America Institute. I won't go into details about this experience, but Institute is where you are taught to teach in five weeks. 1 week of instruction on how to teach which included hours of professional development and practice lessons. Then it is followed by 4 weeks of teaching summer school. Basically you learn how to teach by teaching. It sounds awesome and useful, however I found it brutal. Not much sleep, constant PD sessions when you aren't teaching: stress, stress stress. I was lucky to have amazing mentors and to work at an amazing charter school in Chicago, but I was burnt out by the end. I thought I learned how to teach. I thought I knew my strengths and weaknesses. But boy, did I have a lot to learn. All of a sudden I was moving out of my parent's house, into my first real apartment and about to start my first real job. A common misconception about Teach for America is that we are not school district employees. This is not true. We are placed by TFA into school districts and the districts are paying TFA for us to be there. My school began the year with a month long professional development (I know insane right). I walked into my classroom realizing I had nothing for my walls. We were required to cover every wall. I spent that month attempting to start my curriculum focusing on amazing goals and ideas. I won't dwell on my first year of teaching. It was okay- ups and downs every day. I cried for the better half of the final quarter of the school year. I felt like a failure most of the time. The only reason I didn't quit was some of my co-workers, our dean of students and my now husband. I decided that my second year would not be like that. My classroom management was a disaster and my students were not at the academic level I expected. I spent the summer revising everything from procedures to the structure of my classroom. I created a choice based classroom for my students that helped with my wide variety of learner needs, high absenteeism and lack of consistent classroom management in other classrooms. My second year was so much better. I did what I wanted to do. Not how TFA told me how to teach, not how my co-workers taught, how I wanted to teach. My classroom management was amazing and my classroom ran like clockwork. I was becoming a good teacher. I will save the details but despite having my classroom be an amazing learning environment I could no longer ignore what was happening outside my doors. My administration. I knew that I could not thrive at my school specifically. I considered leaving the classroom, applying for jobs outside of education. I wanted to feel free. On a whim, I started to apply to suburban schools across the metro Detroit area. Maybe the administration would be better. I wanted teach in a public school desperately. I wanted a union. Maybe I wouldn't have to do as much classroom management. I had been told "Teach for America teachers cannot get hired in any other schools but charter or urban schools". But I interviewed and I got the job. I couldn't believe it. I took it. I now work in a public school in suburban Detroit. I left urban teaching. I left my students who desperately needed a consistent teacher because of the estimated 50% teacher turnover every year. I needed to leave for myself and my sanity. I truly believe if I would have stayed at my placement school one more year I would have quit teaching. Perhaps I did the one thing Teach for America no one talks about. We talk about the teachers that have stayed in their placement school for 15 years, teachers who become administrators in urban charter schools, TFA alumni who run for office or become education reformers in DC. But I became a suburban teacher. But still a teacher. Was this okay? I still am reaching students and creating a world where "One day, all children in this nation will have the opportunity to attain an excellent education" as Teach for America says on their website. Right? Am I? But am I doing that the "TFA" way? I don't know. I feel guilty about leaving my placement school often. Why did I leave my students? I didn't leave them- I got new students. All students need great, caring teachers. It doesn't matter what school the go to, where they grow up, what zip code they live in. ALL students need amazing teachers, no matter where those teachers got their start. Teach for America was the best thing for my teaching career that has and will ever happen. I was able to learn how to be a teacher through teaching, not wading through years of education lectures and observations. I learned classroom management, how to take a failing student to a B student who is self-motivated and enjoys school, how to interact with administration and juggle one million things at the same time. I went out of my comfort zone and met people I never would have interacted with otherwise, met educators who are still on the front lines today and found the roots as an educator that will stick with me forever. But still I feel like sell out. Sure, I stayed in teaching but did I do it the TFA way? Am I still impacting the students need it the most? I am. But am I a TFA sell out? I am. |